Growing up in the Mason school district, I developed severe anxiety.
This anxiety all stemmed from the idea that I was not good enough.
I attended one of the largest school districts, and the largest high school, in the state of Ohio. This made everything much harder, whether it was competing for class rank or a spot on a sports team. There was so much competition; there was always someone smarter than me, and someone more talented than me. Always. I felt increasingly average, like I had little talent, tiny in the shadow of my peers.
I played softball all growing up, and I was cut from the school softball team. Twice. I got good grades all growing up, and graduated high school proudly with a 4.5 GPA that I had worked my tail off for, only to learn that I didn’t even make the top 10 percent of my class.
Going to Mason High School was really, really hard.
Don’t get me wrong: I was unbelievably blessed to attend Mason; the opportunities present there are like no other school. There are so many incredible teachers, classes, and clubs available to all students. Students are very prepared for college upon leaving. Unfortunately, however, the teenage years are swamped with the concern that plagues students most: how they stack up to their peers. At Mason, comparing yourself to others can be incredibly disheartening.
It can give you the false sense that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, athletic enough, or talented enough. The truth is, when you compare yourself to the 800+ people in your graduating class, full of diverse talent, it will discourage you.
But, you’re not 800+ people. You’re one person. You’re one person that has unique talents and capabilities of your own, whether you realize it or not. I don’t care if you didn’t get as good of a grade in a class as the person sitting next to you. I guarantee you there is something that you are better than them at; whether it be simply the ability to make people laugh. You know what? The world thrives on laughter. That is so much more important than a grade. Please, know that.
Friday afternoon, I learned that a student at my high school had taken his own life. I did not know him, I did not know anything about him, nor did I know the reason for his suicide, but I cried for him. I cried thinking of the homecomings and the proms that he would miss out on, the nights with his friends, and how he didn’t realize that life is so much more than high school.
I cried because I knew how he might have felt, lost in a giant school with giant expectations. I had felt that way, too.
Due to my anxiety, there were days I simply could not make it to school. There were nights I could not sleep. There were instances where I panicked and blanked out on tests, feeling so much pressure to do well, and I turned in a blank sheet of paper. There were afternoons where I would tear up at practice and break down later because I would push myself and push myself and I still wasn’t where I wanted to be.
It. Was. Hard.
But, you must know you are not alone in this suffering. You must know that high school is only a tiny fraction of your life. You must know that your health is much more important than your performance. You must know that there is so much more to life than what you accomplished (or didn’t accomplish) in high school.
I worked unbelievably hard in high school, and I am proud of that. Will anyone remember, or really care, in ten years? Even in five years? Not really.
People will remember how you made them laugh in a really stressful class. People will remember how you smiled at them in the hall when they were having the worst day of their life. People will remember how you texted them a joke or kind note, simply because you thought of them. People will remember those moments in which they felt you were on their side.
We must work towards seeing each other as teammates, not competitors. High school is hard, and attending Mason can be even harder, but you are all in this together. Lean on each other. Support each other. Love each other. Remind each other that you are, 110 percent, beyond good enough.
It will be hard, but you will finish high school. You will move on, to find out that life gets so much better, and is so much more. Please, help each other get there.
In doing so, we may save a life.
Side note: I saw a link shared today on Facebook, raising a funeral fund for the boy who took his life. You may donate here.
AlmstHvn
August 28, 2016 at 4:34 pm
Reblogged this on Almost Heaven and commented:
Thank you, Gina.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 9:50 pm
I’m so happy I could help!
Neta Morton
August 28, 2016 at 4:57 pm
Thank you so much for your article! You are wise beyond your years! I’m a Mom of two boys that went and Graduated from Mason also. I never thought that the issue of not felling good enough was an issue for our boys. But it could have been. There were days our youngest didn’t want to go either. And he wasn’t ill. In closing I have to say our son was in sports also and was chosen for his performance and not because of his last name. That happened a lot at Mason. The same people were picked not necessarily for there efforts but for there last name! I’m happy you realized that after school is finished there is a great big world out there and yes it does get much better, not having 800 people to compete with!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 9:55 pm
Thank you so much; I am so happy I could help!
jmannmjs
August 28, 2016 at 5:40 pm
Gina, your perspective is SO important in helping so many people. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Your words touched me and I am so thankful that you have the strength and wisdom to embrace your own personal strengths and recognize you are enough. Be proud young lady! All my best! Ms. Gray Mann
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 9:54 pm
I am so happy I could help. Thank you so much for the note; I hope you have a wonderful school year!
Malinda Long-Copland
August 28, 2016 at 5:43 pm
You are very brave for sharing the truth — one that so many share. Be blessed with all of your future life endeavors!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 9:56 pm
Thank you so much!
Becky Snow
August 28, 2016 at 5:56 pm
Gina, I am so proud of you for putting this out there. It is what so many of us need to understand, high school is just a drop in the bucket of this thing we call life. I hope that your college career is blessed with fun and laughter. Just know, I’m always here for you, even if it’s just for a good laugh along the way. Love you, Coach Becky ☺️
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 9:57 pm
Thank you so much! I miss you! I would love to have another outing with you and Rachel sometime. Thank you for supporting my writing and being there for me throughout the years!
Vera Long
August 28, 2016 at 6:05 pm
Thank you, Gina, for writing about your experiences. Our granddaughter is entering 9th grade at Mason High School. We will try not to make her feel the pressure you felt, the anxiety of comparison. All we ask is that she do her best every day. If that gets her a 3.0 so be it. We feel very fortunate that she is in such a great school, and we’ve been impressed with the support so freely given by the Mason School District for the last four years. The level of anxiety you describe no student should have to accept.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:04 pm
That is what my parents always told me too, and that’s the best thing you can do – just encourage them to do their best and be proud of that! Mason is a very good school, it can just become overwhelming. Best of luck to your granddaughter!
Kim Dawes
August 28, 2016 at 6:10 pm
Thank you for this positive and empowering message!! We are all beautiful unique souls and your message here is well written and full of truth! 💞
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:05 pm
Thank you so much! I’m so happy I could help others know they are not alone.
Pingback: Good Enough – fltsound
fltsound
August 28, 2016 at 6:44 pm
Reblogged this on fltsound.
Shanna Bumiller
August 28, 2016 at 7:04 pm
Gina,
Thanks you for your reflection and putting the message out there that everyone has a genius to offer the world! We need each and every member of our Comet family to share their genius and we need to also celebrate each other’s genius. We are so much stronger together and each and every person at MHS matters! Thank you for also sharing the information about the memorial fund. Please continue to share this very important message and always remember that everyone has a story and a genius to share with the world!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:11 pm
That is absolutely true, and I’m so happy I could help remind students of it. I am so thankful that it has spread to so many people today and so many people have been able to relate to it. Thank you for helping me share it!
Kelli
August 28, 2016 at 7:27 pm
So beautifully written and what I have told my 8th grade son – be you, be kind to everyone – even when they are not kind to you. Rise above the non-sense – how many friends you have in 8th grade and how popular you are or not – will not matter when you are 25. What people will remember is who you are and how you treated them! Great job!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:20 pm
That is absolutely right. I’m so happy I could help reiterate it – thank you!
A
August 28, 2016 at 7:52 pm
This song sums is what I share with many high schoolers, as high school wasn’t my favorite! There is so much more! https://youtu.be/FjNKQgZd4vo
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:21 pm
You’re right! Thank you so much for sharing!
Sherry
August 28, 2016 at 8:08 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You are very inspirational.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:22 pm
Thank you so much. I’m just so happy I could help.
Joyce Rivers
August 28, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Amazingly insightful and wise, not to mention extremely well written. Kudos to you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, good and bad. I am proud of you! I am so glad I had the opportunity to teach you and get to know you…way back in 4th grade! Keep spreading your wisdom with the world.-Ms. Rivers
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:26 pm
Thank you so much, Ms. Rivers! I’m so thankful to have had your support for so many years! I’m so happy students were able to connect with this today. Have a wonderful school year!
Michael Neil
August 28, 2016 at 8:44 pm
Unfortunately, what you talk about in this article is all too real and too relevant in today’s culture. Thank you for your thoughts!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Of course. I am so happy students were able to connect with it and know they are not alone. Thank you for reading it!
A mom at another too large school
August 28, 2016 at 8:49 pm
Very well put and thank you for writing it. I wish class sizes could be reduced to 150 max and our mega schools did not exist. The pressure to excel is awful for students. I pray for my daughter every day.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:34 pm
I’m so happy that it reached some students and they were able to relate to it and know they are not alone. Your daughter is beyond good enough and I hope she knows that!
Todd
August 28, 2016 at 8:50 pm
Very beautiful and inspiring. Thank you so much for this.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:35 pm
I’m so happy I could help!
Jane White Sarphie
August 28, 2016 at 9:13 pm
You are a really skilled writer! I came upon this page because a friend of a friend knew the boy and you have put into words so eloquently what I think today’s high school students need to hear. As a parent of two middle schoolers and a Youth Volunteer at my church I plan to share your blog with each of them when the time is right. Thank you!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:38 pm
Thank you so much for this note! I hope it is able to help your kids like I am so thankful that it helped a lot of students today. They are good enough!
Ann
August 28, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Beautifully written & very thoughtful. I’m going to share with my high schooler (little Miami) & her friends. Graduating 30+ years ago gives you the perspective of how high school is just a blip on the screen. I’m glad you gained that perspective as a recent grad.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:39 pm
Thank you so much. I hope it is able to help your daughter and her friends like I am so thankful it helped students today!
Radona Scott
August 28, 2016 at 10:28 pm
Thank you for sharing this with us. This is so true and I feel like Mason needs to recognize how much
Pressure their kids are putting on themselves. Mason is a great school, but as a parent, I worry all the time
About my kids feeling exactly the same as you have just described.
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:43 pm
I’m so thankful that my post was able to remind students that they are not alone in feeling this way. It is very important – I hope you can remind your kids that they are beyond good enough, and going to a big school will never change that! In many ways, Mason is also a wonderful school. It can just become overwhelming.
Patti Mann
August 28, 2016 at 10:34 pm
Wise beyond your years, Gina. I’m certain this blog post will resonate with students and parents for years to come. It’s tough growing up and you validated the struggle that so many live through daily. Thank you from this mom and teacher! The world is a better place because of people like you!
Mrs. Mann – 5th grade math- Team Pioneers
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 10:45 pm
Thank you so much, Mrs. Mann! It is great to hear from you and I really appreciate the support; I am so happy I was able to help. Have a wonderful school year!
Cathy
August 28, 2016 at 11:08 pm
Thank you for sharing! I teach at a therapeutic school where many kids are there for this reason. May I share it? Good luck in life–you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and good heart!
Gina Deaton
August 28, 2016 at 11:13 pm
Of course! I want it to reach as many people as possible so that they may connect with it and know they aren’t alone. Thank you so much for this note!
Jake
August 29, 2016 at 8:16 am
I love this story and it will help me do better in class
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 10:28 am
I’m so happy I could help! Best of luck!
Colleen Everett
August 29, 2016 at 9:32 am
Gina. You made me cry. I can recall vividly your tougher days. Thank you so much for putting your thoughts into words. So brave of you. I wish you nothing but the best for the many days ahead of you. Take care! Mrs. E
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 10:32 am
Thank you so much, Mrs. Everett. You were one of the few teachers that I had that was always there for your students and willing to help in any way. I got so excited when I heard my younger brother had you in class! I am forever grateful for how you treated me and helped me. Thank you so much for this note!
Charlie MacKenzie
August 29, 2016 at 11:44 am
Great post Gina! The Chronicle misses you and we hope you love Xavier!
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Miss you guys so much! Thanks for this, can’t wait to see the first paper!
DC
August 29, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Great piece Gina. Genuine and honest. You have an amazing perspective. Keep making the world a better place.
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 7:40 pm
Thanks so much, DC. I’m just so happy that other students were able to see it and connect with it.
cravend
August 29, 2016 at 4:22 pm
Reblogged this on Dalton's D☰signs and commented:
My first bell teacher read this in class today, and I thought it was so important to share. Although I didn’t personally get to connect with Gina, I’ve heard wonderful things about her from the other members of the Chronicle, and I wanted to republish this for anyone that happens to read my blog.
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 7:41 pm
Thank you so, so much for the shout-out! I’m so thankful it has reached students who need to hear it.
Jim
August 29, 2016 at 4:54 pm
I’m sorry and I am going to be verbally crucified for my comment but “Suck it up Buttercup!”.
You think High School is hard? Wait till you get out in the real world and don’t make the cut for the job you want. You might have to settle (even if temporarily) for a job to help with building your career instead of getting your “dream job” right away. You might have to relocate to go to where a job is. You might lose a job by no fault of your own if your company restructures.
High school pressure is self inflicted. Do your best and move on. Earn everything that you get and your achievements will be far more fulfilling. Get out there and kick butt. You have a tremendous advantage. Some come from schools where they never had a class size over 100 and the world kicks them in the teeth when they go to college and you will be like “what’s the big deal”. Don’t let others say that you aren’t good enough. Know that you are good and attack. You will succeed!
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 11:57 pm
Mental illness is real, and it is far more prevalent now than ever in teenagers and young adults in high schools. It is so real that it took the lives of two students at my high school in the past year. With all due respect, I don’t believe you attended my high school in recent years and I wish you would have more sympathy for all of the teens you know because they may very well be suffering quietly; mental illness can be a taboo topic and that’s what I was attempting to break. High school (especially mine) comes with an extreme amount of pressure (it is absurd to think we would simply “self-inflict” our suffering), and this is not a case where we can just “not let others say” that we aren’t good enough. It sticks with many students, and burdens them. It’s not their choice. Most importantly, when it comes to mental illness, it is impossible to just “suck it up”. Please, kindly reconsider what you have written.
Anirudh Rajagopalan
August 29, 2016 at 9:07 pm
Thank you so much for your time and effort. Although I don’t know you personally, this article was one that made me cry because it made me realize how much of hopelessness I had during the last three years. But now, I have more confidence towards senior year.
Gina Deaton
August 29, 2016 at 11:36 pm
Anirudh, I am elated that I could help. Stay confident; keep your head up. I hope you never feel hopeless again. Try to remember that you have a very bright future, and things will ALWAYS get better. You are also never alone; please reach out if you need it. I may not know you personally but it doesn’t matter. We’re teammates. Now, have an awesome and memorable senior year!
Anirudh Rajagopalan
August 29, 2016 at 11:38 pm
Lol i dont mean to brag or anything but im the guy who wrote About Tennis.
williambean2014
August 30, 2016 at 12:22 am
I shall tell you a secret in life. We do for ourselves. That is the bottom line as they say. Did you study hard so that you could get the grades and the praise of others? Ah, the false god of public approval. It is the hardest lesson in life to learn, but the only approval you ever need is your own. Do for yourself because you can, because you want to, because few will ever do for you. Self reliance is just that. And we need self reliance in order to share with others else we depend too much on them and do it falsely.
Why do we write? Because we can, because we must, because it becomes our life. How we write is shaped by our thought processes. Poor writing is poor thinking, pure and simple. We improve our writing because we want to write the best we can. We are driven by a sense of perfection, to make what seems incomprehensible understandable.
You are very young. Forget about high school. Only the very few have fond memories, perfect times, ageless identities to high school. The world won’t give a damn about your high school memories and neither should you. If you want happiness the look to real life to provide that experience. Don’t worry about college, worry about educating yourself. Read widely and deeply. The purpose of college is to read a bunch of books, attend the appropriate number of classes and collect a piece of paper. Education is something you do for yourself, never forget that.
Meanwhile I wish you luck and happiness.
Gina Deaton
August 30, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Thank you for your thoughts. That is very good advice; I know it is easy to struggle with superficial approval and I am working on that.
Kay Strobel
August 30, 2016 at 7:51 am
Thank you, for voicing what everyone feels like sometimes, and if not everyone, at least me. Life can be rough and life can be beautiful. Yet, it is hard to see that through the lenses of how we think our peers see us, for we are made of ranks and numbers and grades. I may have not found my special place to fit in yet but I’m glad to have people like you to connect to and understand. Thank you for your words and thoughts and open expression of true emotion. It helped me through my day and put a smile on my face as well as a tear on my cheek. Thank you, so very much, for your inspiration and your love and your pain. Thank you.
Gina Deaton
August 30, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Thank you so much for this comment. I’m just elated to know that you were able to connect to it and know that you are not alone in these feelings. You are never alone and you are always good enough. You will find your place, I promise – I am certain that you have a lot to offer others and this world. Take care.
sia
August 30, 2016 at 9:19 pm
School anxiety and mental illness anxiety are two different things and not to mention that’s not even the reason kids in Mason have killed themselves. Your article does nothing to address mental illness.
Gina Deaton
August 30, 2016 at 11:31 pm
The two can very well overlap, like it did for me. I did not say that it is the reason that the student took his life; I only mentioned it might have contributed. The main purpose of my piece was not to just address a mental illness; it was to let students know they aren’t alone in feeling inadequate, they all have unique talents to offer, and they must support each other to work to end these burdening feelings. I’m sorry you misunderstood my piece.
nancy miller
September 1, 2016 at 2:41 pm
Gina
Thank you for your openness on this subject, it is so needed. I am the director of the Warrior Run on October 1 cincywarriorrun.org we are raising funds to create mental health education in high schools and colleges–I would love to get Mason involved in the event. Any idea who to talk to at the school?
Gina Deaton
September 1, 2016 at 6:10 pm
Oh my goodness, I would love to run this! I would contact Lorri Fox-Allen, our Student Activities Director. She should be able to help you! I, for sure, think I will sign up for your race; I would love to support this cause!
Beverly Kirk
September 9, 2016 at 4:23 pm
Thank you for writing this beautiful message to all the young people in school. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Someday I hope you write a book about this as I think it would help some of the students going thru the same thing you did. .Prayers for you and keep writing. .♡♡
Gina Deaton
September 10, 2016 at 9:03 pm
Thank you so, so much! I will!
diazj1
September 17, 2016 at 2:30 pm
I fell in a deep depression my senior year at Centerville High School just because of this reason. I’m so happy to hear that I am not the only one. Thank you for sharing.
Gina Deaton
October 26, 2016 at 1:10 pm
I’m so happy I could help. I hope things are much better for you now.
Mike Farber
May 7, 2017 at 2:02 pm
As my senior year comes its final days, I recall recently feeling a lot of mediocrity and questioning my self-worth as I watched my peers bask in their past achievements that they have made throughout their tenures at High School. In the thick of grilling myself for being inferior to some handful of students out of a whopping 800, I remembered your piece. I read it the first time while the entire school was going through a period of mourning. I felt it appropriate to spread the word with the hopes of preventing another tragedy. But I thought little of what you had to say until now, because I never thought that I would ever be in need of this kind of reassurance. But now that I’ve proven myself wrong, I took the liberty of re-reading this, and I’m so happy I did. Sometimes we embellish too much in what can be said about us through awards, plaques, medals and trophies. We too often forget that it’s the immediate impact we make on people that’s best remembered. Thanks so much, Gina, for putting this out. If I remembered your remarks 8 months since you made them, who knows when others will, too? You were a gracious teammate and are a great source of strength.
Thanks again,
Farber
Gina Deaton
May 8, 2017 at 12:25 pm
Michael, thank you so much for this message. I am so happy you remembered this post because you are right, it is not just relevant in a time of tragedy. It is always relevant and should always be remembered. I was in your same boat last year; I remember how I felt when I didn’t make the top 10%. I was so upset. Trust, me though, the day after graduation? It does not matter in the slightest. You will go on to do great things just as everyone else will. Never feel discouraged because your talents differ from those around you! I hope you had a great senior swim season as well! Enjoy your summer 🙂
“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”